026 - WETA Channel 26

“Simon” levels with us, we talk culpability and we sing about genitals… it can’t miss.

Opening Vignette
"Simon Cowell" hosts a press conference about The X Factor. The crowd lustily boos him and the "reporters."

Opening Audio
Audio clip: Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck - "It's duck season." Looney Toons.

Music: Motley Crue - "Girls, Girls, Girls"

Segment 1
There are some days that Mike feels like IRT. Buzz understands - they know that the future is bright, it's just not today. Mike knows his future is bright - there is a golf course in it. He then tells a tale of a death on a golf course. Also - aging in America. Mike thinks the elderly should do us the solid of keeping as youthful as possible for as long as possible.

Oscar is the recipient of all Mike's frustration. Oscar does "Oscar's Papa" advising himself about the benefits of health. Cary is already making lists for Robb's funeral. Robb wants to know how everyone wants to go, when the time comes. Everyone wants to go in their sleep, but both Mike and Robb think holding court during a lengthy illness would be nice. Buzz wants to go during sex. Oscar wants to be t-boned. He embraces death. Mike would like to recruit crazy Christian martyrs to fight terrorism.

Mike wants to see if Buzz has got over his dark weekend. Buzz explains how he got out his frustration by yelling at a speeder in the Safeway. It might have to do with the bitter cold.

Scandals are erupting everywhere (Harry Reid, Mark McGuire) - these days, media savvy offenders know to cop to it and apologize immediately, but lately that seems to have mixed results.

Segment 2
More on athletes and steroids. Oscar would do a cycle of HGH. All Hispanics want to look like Mario Lopez. Mike wants to look like Stephen Lang. Robb would like HGH to solidify his resemblence to Hal Linden. Seriously, Mike hasn't given up yet. Clearly, Oscar says, pointing out Mike's careful calculation of his "points."

Mike discusses hockey fight videos and South American women - he asks Oscar to help him rate South American countries, in terms of hot/desireable women. Oscar mentions his parents own a place in Buenos Aires, and Mike does "Prince Oscar" describing his fabulous Argentinian villa.

They discuss the viral marketing idea inspired by a postal employee and read a letter from Linda in Eureka, CA, whose computer modem was fried by an earthquake. The boys talk quakes. An update on the app contest (which O'Meara character has the most people using him as the TMOS facebook app) - Buzz is currently winning.

Audio Vault

 * The Belcher
 * "Show Me Your Genitals" song.
 * Swingers looking for swingers - in the 70s
 * They discuss swingers, shlubby swingers, swing clubs in Baltimore. Oscar approves of a swing club that would admit Buzz.

Buzz's News

 * Blago apologizes for racially insensitive quotes in Esquire Magazine.
 * Legalizing medical marijuana in NJ.
 * Ellen is also leaving American Idol, as she only joined there to work with Simon.
 * Conan is talking to FOX.
 * Spider Man reboot.  Star Trek reboot.
 * Body contaminates found on clothing in retail establishments.