019 - Numbuh 9 ... Numbuh 9 ... Number 19



Our final show of the year… and we predict, resolve, and make merry! Plus we hear the story of Mike O’Meara hitting… ROCK BOTTOM.

Opening Vignette
The gang discuss their New Year's Eve plans:

Mike - N/A

Buzz - Going to watch fireworks with his hippy friends.

Robb - Going to his urologist's to "watch the ball drop."

Oscar - Kickin' it Kid'n'Play style at a House Party.

Mike still has no plans, and knows no one who is doing anything; and he has no intention of doing anything that will eat into his pocketbook. He opens the champagne - Korbel, one step up from Andre.

Opening Audio
Audio Clip: Political discourse on Monty Python and the Holy Grail - on divine rule by farcical aquatic ceremonies.

Music: U2 - "New Year's Day"

Segment 1
Mike puzzles over the words to "Auld Lang Syne." Buzz calls Girl a "watery tart." Mike contemplates the fact that he's never done a show on New Year's eve, not even a stage show, although there was one planned back in the DnM days - but fell through through lack of committed participants. Although they are toiling on a holiday, Mike and the gang are thrilled with what they do and are happy with the first month of the show.

Oscar updates on Mike's new facebook page, or tries to (there is some confusion as to the actual name). Mike wants to talk predictions and resolutions, but Oscar reminds him that he made a promise to everyone that he would share the tale of his "all-time rock bottom." Reluctantly, Mike begins .... by sarcastically thanking Captain Steve for the flowers he sent the show.

Some time ago, circa 1992, after his first marriage, and having also recently come off a disasterous post-marriage relationship, Mike was involved with an attractive female cop for some unknown length of time. He does not remember her name, but certain elements of the relationship he remembers very clearly - getting a "special favor" from her during the 1992 Democratic convention; double dating with Don and Freda, including attending the Regis and Kathie Lee show; and even meeting her family - in particular, the woman's mother stands out in Mike's memory as being somewhat mannish, a Nurse Ballbricker-type.

Anyway, the relationship progresses to the point that they decide to vacation together in Bermuda. Their relationship had had no major incidents, his friends liked her - it seemed like a good way to celebrate a happy relationship. The day before the flight, the GF had a police conclave in Pennsylvania, but plans to be at Mike's house by 8pm. However, she does not arrive that evening, and by midnight, a despairing Mike has decided that he has been screwed over - when she finally arrives at 3am, they have an argument, but determine to go on the vacation anyway.

Segment 2
Their first day and night in Bermuda continues cold, and in the morning, they go their separate ways - she to the beach, he shopping. At this point, Mike decides to bury the hatchet and purchases for her a bathing suit and t-shirt as a peace offering. She rejects this gesture, and he returns to the hotel room, fuming. When she joins him in the room, he tells her that they "need to talk" and she agrees - but after her shower.

Mike follows her into the bathroom, determined to have it out. Unfortunately, their argument ends with him calling her mother "a dyke."

The GF books another room and a morning flight back to the states, and Mike takes off on a scooter to drown his sorrows in a Hamilton bar. There he meets a local - lets call him Wyclef Jean - who befriends him and takes him to another club, less touristy, and vanishes after borrowing $20 from Mike for a phone call.

Now realizing that he is the only "Irishman" in the joint, Mike decides to leave and is approached for money on the street - an exchange that turns into a confrontation in which Mike recklessly invites a fight with a man potentially reaching for a weapon ("Why don't you bring it? - BRING IT!"). His aggressive behavior fortunately averts the fight, and Mike climbs back on his scooter and heads pack to his hotel - perilously, drunkenly - as the sun rises.

He decides to see his (now ex-) girlfriend off on her morning flight - a very wise decision, it turns out, as the GF is still holding his passport in her purse. You know, she says, by way of parting, you're a really great guy, but you do have some anger issues. Mike returns to his hotel alone, sits on the balcony, and watches her plane depart while taking a sad pull on his old nemesis - that devil, alcohol.

The segment concludes with resolutions both serious (losing weight) and ridiculous (Robb - exercising). Mike thinks Sully Sullenburg should be Man of the Year across the board; he got no love from Barbara Walters, so Mike names him Mike O'Meara man of the year. Robb's son gets co-man-of-the year for beating cancer.

Audio Vault

 * The Belcher calls two rubes at a Minnesota station.
 * A kid gets an X-Box for Christmas.
 * Time quick and snarky recap of 2009.

Buzz's News

 * Muslim leaders condemn the crotch bomber.
 * Americans agree that the "oughts" as a decade verily sucked.
 * Robb considers that the music of the oughts sucked.
 * But in spite of it all, Americans optimistically believe the next decade will improve.
 * December 2009 has a blue moon.
 * A Wisconsin couple has their car stolen AS they clear their driveway of snow.