B-003 - Bonus Show Episode 3 - I've Got the Tight Ass



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Opening Vignette
Mike sings a Father’s Day song about missing one’s balls.

Opening Audio
'''Audio Clip: Police Squad – Just like your mother when she gets out of the shower. (Ep. – "A Substantial Gift")'''

Opening music: Black Gold - "Detroit"

Summary
'''Mike wonders why there are holes in his screens that have let the bugs in. They wonder about other “holes” and revel in the fact that they can say “vagina” and “cock” with impunity. Oscar says he is sorry he missed out on Penthouse Letters – Mike says that next week for the Bonus Hour they should write their own. Oscar doesn’t really know what they are, so Marc is sent upstairs to download one while the others explain them to Oscar – who is not impressed. Mike tries to explain how much more exciting “lit” erotica was back when there was no easy online porn access. Mike still remembers the excitement he got just from reading The Harrad Experiment. Buzz rehashes the sexual revolution.'''

'''Oscar describes how he took a Women’s Studies class in college, where he was exposed to militant feminist literature – not what he expected. Robb explains that he took the class Oscar wanted, Modern Sexuality – two weeks on porn.'''

'''Marc returns with a Penthouse letter, which Mike reads while Oscar leans back and closes his eyes to listen. It’s the tale of a college football star hopelessly in lust with his English professor, the wife of the college president and a 6-foot giantess. It cuts off before it gets to the actual sex – the premium content – and Oscar is in disbelief that one has to buy that.'''

'''The conversation turns abruptly to “stink-butt” and the art of proper wiping. Mike has some cute idea of women’s bathroom habits being more dainty than men’s. Oscar insists women are simply better at hiding their toilet habits.'''

Buzz daintily insists it’s unhealthy to linger over one’s toileting and they stop to examine Buzz’s extreme, almost Freudian, distaste at spending excess time on the toilet and lack of childhood memories related to shit.

'''Oscar recounts that even his nephew has bathroom reading material. Robb likes to poop with the bathroom door open (to hear the TV, for show prep!). Oscar takes Kara’s laptop in with him to go to the bathroom. '''

'''Buzz starts to get defensive about his perceived bathroom close-mindedness, and reminds them that he was well used to handling his own shit when he had the colostomy bag. Mike recalls that he, Buzz and Robb all had colon issues – that was from working with Geronimo. He loves Don, but Don needs to analyze the fact that three people he worked with had their colons explode. '''

The conversation turns naturally to acquaintances who show off their bowel movements or even photograph them and send the pictures to their friends – as Marc and Lowell do.

'''Mike pities Buzz for spending so much time with coworkers obsessed with poop and farts. This pleasant topic continues with a public service message about the courtesy flush, a new nickname for double BM – Fat Boy and Little Boy – the etiquette of talking in the workplace restroom and using fiber to improve the consistency of the poop.'''

'''The conversation full-circles back to stink-butt – they discuss the proper use of moist wipes and the danger thereof of creating a fecal odor. Oscar recounts dating a girl who relied only on moist wipes and subsequently suffered of a malodorous ass.'''

Bonus Audio
Robb plays the Joe Hadeed jingle, to Mike’s disgust.

A teen girl says the word “cunt” on the Today show, twice – Meredith apologizes.

94-year-old child molester busted pleasuring himself with a vacuum cleaner in a neighbor’s garage.